Fumigation

I feel the need to describe this most odd of experiences. Everyone once in awhile, all the hogars need to be sprayed for bugs and undesirable creatures. This means that all the kids must vacate for an entire day and night. Casa Suyapa (little kids) sleeps in the building adjacent to the church, Buen Pastor (boys) sleeps in the school, and Talita Kumi (girls) sleeps in talleres (the workshops). The younger girls were in classrooms, but the older girls had to sleep in the auditorium. They all spent Friday night packing up their lockers and shoving everything into the middle of the room. Saturday morning, they brought their overnight stuff down to talleres. Metal benches were pushed together and beds set up on top of them to create a sea of humanity, mattresses, blankets, sheets, and pillows. We worked raking in the the morning and then after mass, the tias set up a TV and DVD player so we could watch movies. Dinner was unusually delicious, with my favorite piping hot sweet milk (lactose intolerant, schmatose intolerant). After watching Mannequin (one of my favorite movies growing up - hooray for the 80s), I curled up with Deisy for the worst night's sleep I've had since I got here. It was cold and terribly uncomfortable, but I wouldn't have traded the experience. I love being able to be in solidarity with my girls. That said, I hope it doesn't happen again in the next 5 months!

Mis Hijas

Things are settling down, and I’m getting back into a routine, which is always good for me. And the best part of coming home after a long, hard day is going to spend time with my hogar daughters. I love to do things for them, whether it’s baking them a birthday cake, making them valentines, or lending out my nail polish. They are always so appreciative and do so much for me in return. They were so excited when I showed up in my first pair of skinny jeans the other day. Just about everyone told me how guapa I looked and congratulated me on being more gordita as well. Nuvia insisted on taking a pair of my regular jeans and making them skinny jeans in the sewing taller, and they fit me perfectly! Then there is Estefany, who is my go-to person for a good hug, kiss, and “I love you.” We bonded as tías during Christmas and have been even closer since I took her to the clinic with a serious injury and held her hand as they bandaged her up. I love those moments when I get to feel like a mom. Saravia is the one who keeps me sane, most recently by scrounging me up some delicious food on sopa de menudo (chicken foot soup) night. Kerberling is doing her year of service in Montessori and is newly excited to see me every morning. She made my day when she told me that it’s not just any volunteer that is accepted by the girls and that they trust me and feel like I understand them. Sheila is always game for an impromptu dance or karaoke party and brightens the room with her infectious laugh. She’s also mastered ye olde, “Good night. Sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.” There have been changes in the hogar, but thanks to cell phones, I’m getting sweet little text messages and occasionally even phone calls from my girls outside the Ranch. And the newbies are all girls I know from Inmaculada and all accept my goodnight hugs. Even though that 6:00-8:00 p.m. window is part of my required time, I glad to say it doesn’t usually feel like work. And to think that when I got here, I was adamant about wanting a boys hogar. When we did our rotation, I didn’t even visit Pilares. Now, I can’t imagine my life here without them. Sometimes things really do work out for the best.

Changes

I'm experiencing a lot of them, and we all know how well I do with those. Things at the Ranch were absolutely crazy following the end of the school year, with major emotional ups and downs. But I was feeling important and needed and getting the praise I so much need. When I was at home, I couldn't wait to get back. And now that I'm here, things just feel...strange. I got lice, had a big disagreement with someone, experienced a loss, and got stolen from. On top of that, I was taking some time to relax and just going to hogar and planning Visitor Day for the kids without visitors, and I don't do well without enough to do. I know I deserved the break and had been given it by my boss, but somehow I ended up feeling guilty. We're getting ready to start the school year and I'm feeling disenchanted. I forgot how much cleaning up of mouse and cockroach poop it involves. I'm ready to just get back into my old routine, but it's just not quite right with old volunteers leaving and new ones here. All the employees who have been gone for two months are back at work. I'm living away from Casa Personal because of the remodel. And my hogar is changing, which I hate. Three girls went off to high school, two are working in Tegus in Casa Angeles, half will probably pass to the next hogar, and most are doing their year of service so that I hardly see them. There have been bright moments: Gabi falling asleep on my lap and carrying her across the Ranch to put her to bed; playing with our consentidos in the baby house with Saravia; a gift of a blanket from Magda who is leaving for Choluteca so I never forget her. In those moments, I don't know how I could ever leave. And other days, I don't know how I'll make it six more months.

Lice

I have them. Saravia found them. Norma gave me shampoo to kill them. One of the tias in the baby house picked them out. And I have so much pena.

Being Home

A list of things I love:

1)Quality time with my amazing friends and family.

2)Cuddling with my kitties.

3)Flushing my toilet paper.

4)Hot showers.

5)Flavors.

6)Spending the day at Zeiger and feeling absolutely adored by children. It also helped to be told by staff and parents how great I look (healthy reminder of the heartbroken pit of despair I was in before I left and how much the Ranch has healed me).

7)Dates with Grandma: Seattle Art Museum, Seattle Opera, and Bookers.

8)The fact that Sister moved home the same time as my visit.

9)Seeing the new Harry Potter with Mich and sharing an epic crepe.

10)Visiting my old Spanish class and having the other guest speaker (the firefighter from Spain) insist that I must have some Latin in me because my Spanish is just that good.

AND...Spreading the word about NPH. Whether it is getting a huge suitcase full of donations from the Zeiger Girl Scout troop or friends donating everything from flat irons to nail polish for the girls or facilitating new sponsorships. I love sharing about this organization that is so close to my heart, and I love that people in my life have taken an interest in it.

A list of things I don't love:

I freaking MISS the Ranch. I miss speaking Spanish. I miss the volunteers. I miss my babies. And I miss my girls. Ready to go home. You know, the other one.

Brigade

Three or four times a year, a medical brigade comes to the Ranch to do orthopedic surgeries for kids here as well as people in the surrounding community. The surgery center was built by the Daly family, and they bring a huge group down every year. The work they do is amazing, but managing 60 extra people is definitely a major undertaking. Well, our volunteer visitor coordinator (my friend and roommate Marie) had to leave the Ranch, and since I worked for her during her vacation and was planning on helping with the brigade, it fell to me. On the 2nd, I came off 12 straight days of work in hogar (the last four of which I slept there) to start prepping for the brigade to get here the 5th. Fortunately, I’d already done a general schedule as well as one for meals and hogar assignments. So my work involved getting rooms ready, arranging for materials to be purchased, moving furniture, cleaning (working with the tías to get girls to help), managing last minute visitors (including putting one in the vacant bed in my own room), answering my phone every 5 minutes, and generally running around and putting out fires. Fortunately, I hac Reinhart’s daughter to Camila to help (she’s a godsend), and Ross gave me saldo and cash without even blinking.

I had to go to the airport FOUR times, which is a 3-hour round trip on the worst, dustiest, potholiest highway on Planet Earth. Going to the airport means confirming transport, picking up visitors, tipping the baggage guys, getting everyone something to eat, doing a mini-orientation, running errands, and getting everyone settled in their rooms. While they’re here, I’m the go-to girl. I make sure they know where to go and when, answer questions about the Ranch, make sure they have water and get fed, etc. It’s A LOT of work, but the group is really great. I'm especially enjoying the girls who are students and are staying in the volunteer house. They are planning my marriage to someone who shall remain unnamed.

The best part has been that through the experience, Reinhart and Momo have become my adopted parents. They invite me to eat, Momo fixes me up with her naturopathic remedies when I’m sick, and Reinhart now calls me his conse. I’ve been such a stress case, but the volunteers have been so awesome. Whether it’s Lauren getting me keys copied and hanging up my laundry or Trip handling last minute maintenance issues or Jessie taking care of the water or Pete and Bryan picking things up for me in the city or Leila making sure I use positive self-talk, I don’t know what I’d do without them.

I managed to go to mass five times in four days. I’m not Catholic, but I go regularly here, and I really enjoy the priest that came with the group. He was born in Nigeria and now lives in Chicago and speaks a bajillion languages. I even went up to do one of the readings. I also get to have seriously legit Italian dinners every night they’re here, so that’s awesome. Another bonus of having so many doctors here: being able to grab one and get antibiotics for my swollen ankle due to infected bugbites (just what I needed).

The worst part was finding out Sunday night after another 14 hour day that I had to move all my stuff out of my room so they can start doing construction before I left (Tuesday morning). I got so stressed out that I had a half-hour nose bleed. I was literally leaning over my sink bleeding and bawling. Again, volunteers to the rescue. Real friends become your personal RN and bleach out your bloody sink (Tiffany). Real friends mop up your blood off the floor and help pack your bags (Patri and Sona). Real friends hold you even when you're disgusting, make you go to bed, and promise to pack everything you don't need for home (Pete).

In the end, everything went well. Lulu said this was the most organized they'd ever been, Ross told me I was a rockstar every day, and Stefan told me repeatedly they'd be dead without me. Jessie is taking the job over on a more permanent basis, so when I get home, I'll get some much needed downtime.

Rosa Lilian

Rosa was an energetic, loving 16 year-old girl who most impressed me with how she cared for her 5 siblings here at the Ranch. She was in Inmaculada, the hogar just below mine. She was on my Olimipiadas team two years in a row and part of the soccer team that went to El Salvador. Her family came here during my first visit, and I had a special bond with her because she was also the beloved goddaughter of my dear friend Laura. She always had a smile and a hug for me. We lost Rosa on New Year’s Eve due to a tragic accident at the house in Tegucigalpa.

I knew something was wrong the second I saw Lauren’s face in my doorway. It was 6:00 p.m., and we had all just been called to the church. I made her tell me before we went, but I didn’t process it until Reinhart announced it. I just started crying, sitting next to Estefany and holding hands. We had dinner all together on the courts, but all activities were obviously cancelled. I went immediately to Saravia, knowing she was a stronger person than me, as much for comfort as to make sure she knew how much I loved her, realizing all too vividly how quickly a life can be taken away. She took care of me all night and it struck me how well she knows me. Reinhart gave me the hug only a dad or grandpa can give, made the sign of the cross on my forehead, and gave me permission to cry and not be strong. As always, the volunteers were a source of comfort and strength.

Rosa’s brothers and sisters were all together in Santa María Reina. I went to see my little Gabi, “mi hija” and the youngest, who still didn’t understand what had happened. The oldest, Eda, has cerebral palsy and is unable to really walk or talk. I can’t express what it was like to hear to her utter despair as she cried. I found Deysi inconsolable back at the hogar. She had just come from seeing Bryan at the clinic. Bryan is my godson and, although not officially her boyfriend, in love with Rosa. He was shaking uncontrollably and asking for Deysi to call Rosa and tell her to come. We had to physically restrain him to keep him in the bed. It was horrible. I ended up alone with him in the room and held him in my arms as he sobbed and begged to see her until I coaxed him to sleep. I think the worst, though, was having to call Laura and tell her. I love Laura with all my heart, and it broke me to have to give her the news.

Following dinner, we had rosaries in the chapel every half hour. I sat with my arms around my girls as we prayed for Rosa. They brought her body back to the Ranch at 1:00 in the morning, and a small group of us headed back to the chapel. I can’t begin to describe the grief I saw from her siblings, friends, Stefan, and Tía Mirna who brought Rosa’s family to the Ranch. And I was not prepared to see Rosa. It just wasn’t her underneath that glass, and I had to look a long time to really register that it was her. I’ve never dealt with death like this, and I feel numb. My tears are used up, and I’m left feeling like maybe it was all a bad dream.