Fumigation

I feel the need to describe this most odd of experiences. Everyone once in awhile, all the hogars need to be sprayed for bugs and undesirable creatures. This means that all the kids must vacate for an entire day and night. Casa Suyapa (little kids) sleeps in the building adjacent to the church, Buen Pastor (boys) sleeps in the school, and Talita Kumi (girls) sleeps in talleres (the workshops). The younger girls were in classrooms, but the older girls had to sleep in the auditorium. They all spent Friday night packing up their lockers and shoving everything into the middle of the room. Saturday morning, they brought their overnight stuff down to talleres. Metal benches were pushed together and beds set up on top of them to create a sea of humanity, mattresses, blankets, sheets, and pillows. We worked raking in the the morning and then after mass, the tias set up a TV and DVD player so we could watch movies. Dinner was unusually delicious, with my favorite piping hot sweet milk (lactose intolerant, schmatose intolerant). After watching Mannequin (one of my favorite movies growing up - hooray for the 80s), I curled up with Deisy for the worst night's sleep I've had since I got here. It was cold and terribly uncomfortable, but I wouldn't have traded the experience. I love being able to be in solidarity with my girls. That said, I hope it doesn't happen again in the next 5 months!

Mis Hijas

Things are settling down, and I’m getting back into a routine, which is always good for me. And the best part of coming home after a long, hard day is going to spend time with my hogar daughters. I love to do things for them, whether it’s baking them a birthday cake, making them valentines, or lending out my nail polish. They are always so appreciative and do so much for me in return. They were so excited when I showed up in my first pair of skinny jeans the other day. Just about everyone told me how guapa I looked and congratulated me on being more gordita as well. Nuvia insisted on taking a pair of my regular jeans and making them skinny jeans in the sewing taller, and they fit me perfectly! Then there is Estefany, who is my go-to person for a good hug, kiss, and “I love you.” We bonded as tías during Christmas and have been even closer since I took her to the clinic with a serious injury and held her hand as they bandaged her up. I love those moments when I get to feel like a mom. Saravia is the one who keeps me sane, most recently by scrounging me up some delicious food on sopa de menudo (chicken foot soup) night. Kerberling is doing her year of service in Montessori and is newly excited to see me every morning. She made my day when she told me that it’s not just any volunteer that is accepted by the girls and that they trust me and feel like I understand them. Sheila is always game for an impromptu dance or karaoke party and brightens the room with her infectious laugh. She’s also mastered ye olde, “Good night. Sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.” There have been changes in the hogar, but thanks to cell phones, I’m getting sweet little text messages and occasionally even phone calls from my girls outside the Ranch. And the newbies are all girls I know from Inmaculada and all accept my goodnight hugs. Even though that 6:00-8:00 p.m. window is part of my required time, I glad to say it doesn’t usually feel like work. And to think that when I got here, I was adamant about wanting a boys hogar. When we did our rotation, I didn’t even visit Pilares. Now, I can’t imagine my life here without them. Sometimes things really do work out for the best.

Changes

I'm experiencing a lot of them, and we all know how well I do with those. Things at the Ranch were absolutely crazy following the end of the school year, with major emotional ups and downs. But I was feeling important and needed and getting the praise I so much need. When I was at home, I couldn't wait to get back. And now that I'm here, things just feel...strange. I got lice, had a big disagreement with someone, experienced a loss, and got stolen from. On top of that, I was taking some time to relax and just going to hogar and planning Visitor Day for the kids without visitors, and I don't do well without enough to do. I know I deserved the break and had been given it by my boss, but somehow I ended up feeling guilty. We're getting ready to start the school year and I'm feeling disenchanted. I forgot how much cleaning up of mouse and cockroach poop it involves. I'm ready to just get back into my old routine, but it's just not quite right with old volunteers leaving and new ones here. All the employees who have been gone for two months are back at work. I'm living away from Casa Personal because of the remodel. And my hogar is changing, which I hate. Three girls went off to high school, two are working in Tegus in Casa Angeles, half will probably pass to the next hogar, and most are doing their year of service so that I hardly see them. There have been bright moments: Gabi falling asleep on my lap and carrying her across the Ranch to put her to bed; playing with our consentidos in the baby house with Saravia; a gift of a blanket from Magda who is leaving for Choluteca so I never forget her. In those moments, I don't know how I could ever leave. And other days, I don't know how I'll make it six more months.