Changes

I'm experiencing a lot of them, and we all know how well I do with those. Things at the Ranch were absolutely crazy following the end of the school year, with major emotional ups and downs. But I was feeling important and needed and getting the praise I so much need. When I was at home, I couldn't wait to get back. And now that I'm here, things just feel...strange. I got lice, had a big disagreement with someone, experienced a loss, and got stolen from. On top of that, I was taking some time to relax and just going to hogar and planning Visitor Day for the kids without visitors, and I don't do well without enough to do. I know I deserved the break and had been given it by my boss, but somehow I ended up feeling guilty. We're getting ready to start the school year and I'm feeling disenchanted. I forgot how much cleaning up of mouse and cockroach poop it involves. I'm ready to just get back into my old routine, but it's just not quite right with old volunteers leaving and new ones here. All the employees who have been gone for two months are back at work. I'm living away from Casa Personal because of the remodel. And my hogar is changing, which I hate. Three girls went off to high school, two are working in Tegus in Casa Angeles, half will probably pass to the next hogar, and most are doing their year of service so that I hardly see them. There have been bright moments: Gabi falling asleep on my lap and carrying her across the Ranch to put her to bed; playing with our consentidos in the baby house with Saravia; a gift of a blanket from Magda who is leaving for Choluteca so I never forget her. In those moments, I don't know how I could ever leave. And other days, I don't know how I'll make it six more months.