Amazing...

how one great day can cancel out a bad one. I had a really negative experience at hogar last night. My tías had asked me to bring my laptop to help them with their Plan Operativo Anual (POA). I spent two hours on Monday typing it out, and I used my only 2 hours of free time to get it printed yesterday. I had shown the girls some pictures of my family, and the tía brought out a flash drive so the girls could see pictures of themselves. We didn’t end up having time, so I brought it again yesterday. I showed the girls more photos and some videos (me dancing and singing karaoke at the end of the year assembly at Zeiger). When the tía asked me to put it away, I did. She pulled me aside later to tell me that showing the girls pictures and videos on my laptop is strictly prohibited. She was really harsh, and it really upset me. The girls also pulled me aside rather protectively and told me not to bring my laptop again because it made the tías mad. I apologized profusely to the tías, but they still called their supervisor and mine. I was totally shocked. It was an innocent mistake, and I had the best of intentions. I guess I should have asked first, but I thought it was a pretty major overreaction. I spent about an hour bawling my eyes out. I’m sure everyone who is reading this knows what a perfectionist I am and how hard I am on myself. I did have some great conversations with friends and with Lauren (the volunteer coordinator), and I felt very supported. Lauren told me that my love for the kids is apparent, and I really tried to take that to heart. My friend Laura is here visiting, so we had a sleepover and I got to have a hot shower this morning.

So I was feeling better until Kenia (the first grade teacher I’m working with) called to say her daughter was sick and she’d be late. I was really worried because our class can be really malcriada. I also haven’t been feeling like I’m really a teacher. Well, the other day, Kenia decided to split up our duties so that I’d be teaching math and she’d be teaching Spanish. I was delighted with this and have been feeling much more useful. But I wasn’t sure how it was going to go with just me and Jorge (our año familiar). It actually went really well. If it was my classroom at home, I probably would have been horrified, but these kids are so different that it really felt like a success. I managed that Montessori classroom just fine, thank you very much. The kids are learning to use “please” and “thank you” and how to talk to me respectfully in order to get what they want. Kenia came with about an hour left in class, and we had a great talk about my experience with the tías. She used to work in Casa Suyapa, so she totally understands. She told me she wanted me to know how much she loves the way I work and the way I discipline the kids. She said I come into the classroom with a sign on my forehead that says, “I’m a teacher.” Best compliment ever! Normally, I eat lunch with the Montessori teachers, and I’m pretty quiet. Today, there were only 4 of us, and it was so much fun. They were teaching my Honduranisms and helping me with homophones (I had an embarrassing experience when Kenia told me to look for something next to la llave. Turns out that means faucet as well as key.) I understood their jokes and even made them laugh (Ryan, your "estoy haciendo ejercito" story was well received), and it felt really good.

This afternoon, I went to the dance class that is run by Juan Bautista (another año familiar). I had seen his group before and mentioned that I enjoyed dancing, so he invited me to a practice. It was really fun, and I think I'll go again. I went to hogar tonight. The director of the house pulled me aside and I also talked to my tia, and all is forgiven. They felt really bad that I was so upset. All in all, a really good day for me to cancel out yesterday's yuckiness.

My Girls

I am in love with my hogar. These girls are so completely wonderful. Being with them makes me forget everything else – my frustrations at school, my personal issues, everything. I have never been told that I look pretty so many times in one day as yesterday at mass. I put on a dress, make-up, and bright pink nail polish, and the girls were delighted. Before the evening activity (a singing competition), they took my hair down and brushed it because they like it suelto and lent me earrings that matched my dress. They are so patient with my Spanish, explain things when I don’t understand, and teach me new words. They encourage me in my hopeless attempts at chapearing and thank me just for trying. They make sure I get enough to eat and worry about me getting eaten alive by bugs. They show me their photo albums and letters from their godparents. They give me hugs and kisses and lean their heads on me when they’re tired. And they trust me enough already to tell me things they’d never tell their tias. I feel like I have 16 new little sisters, although most of the time they are the ones taking care of me.

And the winner is...

Hijas de Pilar! We got our hogar assignments yesterday, and I got the 18-20 year-old girls. I am really excited because they are just one up from my favorite hogar, Inmaculadas. I actually didn’t get to visit Pilares during my hogar tour. Both those hogars eat together in the upper girls’ house, and several of the Inmaculadas will pass to my hogar in January. I ended up getting this hogar because I am one of the oldest volunteers, I have experience with girls that age (when I coached dance team I learned a lot of good lessons), and I was confident in my ability to have boundaries with the girls. So I’m feeling pretty good about that. I had dinner with them last night, and I loved the conversation. They asked me about my family and told me about theirs; it was wonderful. I think I’m on good terms with the tias already, and I’m looking forward to my work weekend with the girls.

We also finally got our Olimpiadas team. I’m on Team #1. The theme is places of interest in Honduras. We got Pulapanzak, which is a waterfall, and our virtue is peace. I’m so excited for my team. We have the cutest little ones, Dulce Milagro and Benjamin. I get to be with Magda from my hogar, and she’s a sweetheart. Also, por pura suerte, my godson Axel is with me! Last year, I got to be with Laura’s goddaughter Rosa Lilian, and we managed to be together again. Juan from Discipulos was on our team last year too, and when I walked in, he said, “Kimmie’s on our team! We’re going to win!” (At the presentation/dance, not the games, of course.)

Other good news: I am rooming with Marie, and I have turno (weekends off) with Leila!!

Today, we celebrated the Day of the Indian at school. This means a significant amount of instructional time has been wasted creating elaborate posters and historically and culturally inaccurate costumes. I will post some on Facebook for your viewing pleasure.

Sick

So I have been sick for about a week now. I completely lost my voice at one point; that got better, but I still can’t shake this nasty cough. I feel really tired and just plain icky. And, of course, I’ve been running around as if I didn’t have anything. I finally dragged myself to the clinic for a consult with the visiting doctor. She listened to my breathing, and my lungs sounded clean. That means no antibiotics. That’s really fine with me because I’m pretty sure amoxicillin doesn’t work on me anymore anyway. She said it was a bronchitis without the infection?? She gave me a prescription for a cough suppressant that Marie is going to pick up for me when she goes to the city tomorrow. I also got Atrovent on the nebulizer 3 times at 20 minutes a pop. All in all, I was there several hours. Volunteers are generally seen first, but I had to wait. It was okay because I would have felt bad about cutting in front of the baby. Another thing it could be is the return of my asthma. I will be so annoyed if it has lain dormant for the past 10 years only to rear its ugly head during my year abroad.

So how better to treat an illness than to spend a day working outside? We have a few cases of dengue here at the Ranch. Once volunteer has it for sure (the hemorrhagic variety, at that) and one has a suspected case. So today was our War Against Dengue cleaning day. Seriously, they cancelled school for it. I don’t understand how chopping down grass and dragging branches into a pile is going to help. Seems to me we should be getting rid of some of those pools of standing water, but what do I know? Fortunately, I was assigned to work with the littlest kids, so none of the work was too hard. Even then, I didn’t help out that much. What with being sick and hating physical labor and all. It’s frustrating to me not to be able to show my talents. I physically can’t do the hard labor, but I know I have gifts to share. But here, I feel like they’re kind of useless. I’m hopeful that will change, but at this moment in time I am sick and feeling sorry for myself. And I kind of feel like me getting dengue is a forgone conclusion because I am covered in bug bites despite valiant efforts at putting on repellant.

One good thing was spending time with Gabi, the cutest little girl ever! She has an underbite and a speech impediment, and I love her. Her giggle is absolutely infectious. I buddied up with her to move planks of wood because we’re about the same strength level (she’s sick, so yeah). At one point, she lifted up my shirt and saw my tattoo. Tattoos are strictly verboten here on the Ranch because in Honduras it means you have a gang affiliation. (I am in a hippo gang, apparently.) Anyway, when she saw it, she said, “Un dibujo! Un chancho!” Roughly translated, that’s, “A picture! A pig!” As far as she’s concerned, that’s exactly what it is.

Out and About in Tegucigalpa

I am so proud of us. A bunch of us newbies decided to go to Tegus for the weekend since we had it off. I am pleased to report that no one was attacked or robbed. Success! We got on the bus from the Ranch at about noon yesterday, got off at Cerro Grande, and hopped a colectivo to the Hotel Granada. After we dropped off our stuff, we walked back to the center to run some errands and do some shopping. We found an amazing pastry shop, and I came home with a cream puff today as a treat for later. Some of us headed to Dolores to get some super cheap baleadas (flour tortilla with eggs, refried beans, and mantequilla - I like to add avocado). From there, we took a taxi to the Metromall (it's an actual mall - fancy that). I have to say, I am getting pretty good at negotiating with taxi drivers. We did a bunch of shopping. I bought a cute dress at a Forever 21-ish store for going out that night. I also had Little Caesar's for dinner at the food court. We went back to the hotel, took hot showers (so rico), and got ready to go out dancing. Today, we ran some more errands and went out to eat. Marie and I went to have Cokes with our friend Chele while the rest of the crew went grocery shopping. I had to laugh because Chele asked me if I'd gotten skinnier since last year because he remembered me being a little more gordita. I don't think anyone has ever used that word to describe me in the history of...ever. I explained about my heartbreak, and he was righteously indignant on my behalf.

I feel like my Spanish is getting better. Whether it is making phone calls, talking with Honduran friends, chatting with the tias, meeting people on the bus, exchanging witty banter with cab drivers, or ordering food, it is getting easier and easier. I have high hopes that I will be completely fluent after 13 months, and that is an exciting prospect indeed!

Tortilla House

As part of our orientation, we had a day around the Ranch. New volunteers were working in the gardens, the kitchen, the farm, etc. Leila and I were assigned to the tortilla house. I hadn’t worked there as a visitor, so I was kind of excited. We started at 7:00 a.m. and finished at noon. We took out the soaked corn in batches and washed it until the water was clear. Doña Gloria (who has worked at the Ranch tortilleria for 16 years) put the soaked corn through a machine to make the dough. We kneaded the dough, put it through the tortilla maker, put the tortillas on the grill, flipped them, made tortilla towers, then finally counted them out and bagged them. Now, you all know how much I like finding things I’m not good at (sarcasm font), and the tortilla maker is way harder than it looks. Eventually, I figured it out, but I was still slow and lots of mine turned out ugly. Alana (the adorable año familiar who works there) told me I was a quick learner, but she also spent most of the time saying, “Te ayudo, Kimmie?” I was so not designed for hard labor, but I did enjoy working with my hands at least for one day.

My Boys

So we’ve been doing a tour of the hogars, and I noticed that none of the girls were scheduled to visit Discipulos (the oldest boys). I thought it would be a really good idea to request to eat with them one night because I met them two years ago when they were in Arca de Noe. I told Wilmer, Maynor, and Brian that they’d have to protect me when I came. So Monday night was the night, and I had started to worry. The reason they don’t have female volunteers visit is because the boys are so inappropriate and, let’s face it, gross. Well, they could not have been more tranquilo and respectful during my visit. They were very polite, and I met lots of new boys and reconnected with others. We talked about the World Cup and last year’s Olimpiadas. I can’t believe how many people remember me dancing! For dinner, we had menudo, complete with chicken feet. I saw one boy use a chicken foot as a spoon for his mantequilla (not butter as it translates, but rather a disgusting hybrid of sour cream and mayonnaise). Maynor took one look at my face and asked if I just wanted broth. Yes, please! After dinner, I became quite popular for helping with algebra homework. The boys made fresh-squeezed lemonade and made sure I got the biggest glass sweetened to my taste. I was kind of sad to leave when the other volunteers came to pick me up. I thanked them for the lemonade and company, and they thanked me for the help. I don’t care what anyone says – I love those boys!

There are many things I'm good at...

but using a machete to cut grass is not one of them. All the kids here wield those things like experts. I spent all day yesterday with Hermanas de Jesus (girls 14-16), and the morning was passed doing chores. I tried my hand at it, but the girls laughed hysterically every time I attempted it. The afternoon was much more my style. We sat on the floor and played jacks while one of the girls beaded me a bracelet (they are highly amused by the size of my wrists). My favorite moment was the first time I passed “2s.” There was a huge chorus of “Eso!” After dinner, we went down to talleres to watch a movie. Dania, who is 14 or so, snuggled up next to me and ended up putting her head in my lap and falling asleep. We were free to leave at 9:00, but I stayed until the end of the movie so as not to disturb her. No, I’m not getting paid nor am I expected to work hours outside my already ridiculous schedule, but I reminded myself that I’m here to build relationships with these kids, and that’s exactly what I did.

We spent Friday in the capital (Tegucigalpa). We basically went on a tour of all the different places. Even though I’ve been there before, it was overwhelming. Trip led my group, and he was a great tour guide. He kind of reminds me of my dad in his way of thinking and also the way he can fix just about anything. He helped me get oriented and to connect the places I’d already been. We ended up eating a delicious lunch at the Duncan Mayan. Oddly enough, it’s the place Alina and I had breakfast when we were wandering around Tegus lost last year. I’m so proud of myself for having comida tipica instead of a hamburger. I also got to spend the day with my friend Juan Luis who I met last year. He came to the Ranch just in time to accompany us back to Tegus and be my secondary tour guide/protector. I got a cell phone (hurray!) and had him set it all up for me. I love having Honduran friends. I called Rafa to give him my number; he must have been with Chele because he called me right after to give me his. I think it’s funny that my friends here are 20-25 year old pequeños (they grew up in NPH). Don’t get excited though - not romantic interests. It’s prohibido anyway.

Today has been great so far. I LOVE my volunteer group. Leila, Marie, and I spent the morning making banana pancakes in the San Vicente kitchen and listening to Jack Johnson. Delicious. Then, we girls cleaned our room; we wanted it to look nice for the last new volunteer who comes today. Awesome moment of the day – singing along to Glee in the shower. We just got back from watching the World Cup Final with the whole Ranch, and I'm looking forward to a restful afternoon.

Blogging It Up

But don’t get used to it. New volunteers get quite a bit of down time at first. That will all change in a few weeks, but I’m taking advantage of it now while I can.

Here are three lovely compliments I have received recently:
1)You speak like a Spaniard.
2)Your Spanish is very good.
3)You are like a fairy godmother.

Here are two things that suck:
1)Cold showers.
2)My bug bites are so heinous that I’m scratching them at night hard enough to leave bruises.

My birthday was great. Everyone remembered and wished me happy birthday. As part of orientation, we went for a 4-mile hike that I actually enjoyed (shocking, I know, since I am sort of an indoorsy girl, as Marie would say). When I got back from hogar, a bunch of the volunteers were waiting for me. Daniela had made me a poster and chocolate birthday cake. I got to blow out 11 candles (a 2 and a 9). It was so nice just to have it acknowledged, and between that and lovely e-mails from friends and family, I felt pretty darn special.

The best part of my birthday was tucking in the chiquitas in Casa Suyapa. They were pretty wild before and during dinner, but putting them to bed gave me the best warm fuzzy feeling ever. Their volunteer Anna had to take one of the girls to the clinic while I was there, so I ended up in the bedroom putting the little girls to bed. I had watched Anna singing to them and tucking them in before, so I took over where she left off. Sister, I totally joined her in “Part of Your World” from La Sirenita (The Little Mermaid). When I was by myself, I sang them “I See The Moon” just like my mommy used to. Little Gabi had the giggles, so I had her close her eyes while I rubbed and patted her back for several minutes, and she was asleep in no time. I had this overwhelming feeling of “this is why I’m here.” When Anna got back, they were almost all asleep. The tía told me I have magical powers (hence the fairy godmother comment). Totally amazing.

Today, I followed the volunteer who teaches English in Montessori. She’s not leaving and I’m not taking her position, but my job is new so I have no one to shadow. I did find out that I am officially working in first grade with Kenia, which is absolutely my dream job. All the Montessori teachers welcomed me back with open, loving arms. I can’t wait to set started!

Happy Birthday to Me

I’m 29 today. Pucha. I got a gift today at lunch when I saw Chele – one of his handmade bracelets. Pretty excited about it!! Also, apparently in Spain, instead of birthday spankings, you get birthday earlobe tugs. I know this because I’ve had it done to me by a Spaniard. Loved it.

On Sunday, I had the most fun I’ve had at a Fourth of July party in a long time. Kind of ironic that it happened in Honduras. We had a big bonfire in the volunteer house and cooked hotdogs over it. We sat around the campfire and listened to Bryan play “The Star-Spangled Banner” on his trumpet. We decorated in red, white, and blue. Pretty patriotic, all things considered. Jesse made this amazing guacamole and then played Ani DiFranco’s “Both Hands” on guitar, so I was completely in heaven.
Orientation is going really well. If there’s one thing I’m grateful for, it’s that I already know kids. It feels so good to go on tours of the hogars and to hear my name called and get hugs. I’m also glad I have a knack for names. One of the volunteers asked me, “How do you remember ALL of them?” I told him it’s a teacher thing. A good deal of the information we’re getting is review for me, which is nice. I don’t feel like a snobby Ranch know-it-all, though; most of what I feel is relief that I’m not having to process and make sense of as many things as people who are coming in cold. I have so much respect for the other volunteers! I am a big baby and would never have had the guts to come to a strange place.

I started my Ranch-wide tour of hogars yesterday with Inmaculadas. They are 14-16 year-old girls…and I absolutely loved it (to my surprise and delight). When I came to sit down, someone must have made some comment about the new volunteer because Suyapa said, “No, Kimmie es familia.” Diana is a girl who hated me two years ago, and we had the best time together. We all bonded over deciding which of the Honduran soccer players was the cutest. They were also really interested in my family; they asked lots of questions about my biological father and my brother in Afghanistan. I can totally see doing some fun dance stuff with these girls if I was their volunteer.

All in all, a great couple of first days.

Safe and Sound with a Happy Heart

I’m here. Finally. And feeling really good. I had the best send-off from the airport. The guy at Continental’s check-in must have thought I was 12 or could see that I’d been crying because he gave my parents special passes to be able to take me to my gate. I got into Houston around 6:00 a.m. and took a quick cat nap on the benches. When I uncurled myself, I found a familiar face from Facebook. Pete, another new volunteer, was on the same flight as me. Turns out he was a freshman at Mead High School when I taught dance team there (I am so old). I was greeted at the airport by the volunteer coordinator Lauren and outgoing volunteer Anna who was on my Olimpiadas team last year. When I got to the Ranch, I got a huge hug from Marie (the new volunteer I met in Portland a few weeks ago) and instantly felt a million times better.

I had just enough time to get settled before mass. All the new volunteers are in the dorm in the volunteer house for a month until more rooms clear out. Walking into mass was like coming home. I don’t know what it is about having kids remember my name that fills just fills my heart up! It was so great to walk into the church and hear, "Kimmie! Kimmie!" I had hugs and kisses and great conversations where I got to tell my kids the news that I would be here for a year. My godson was a little timid with me - I think he's at that age where I'm now embarrassing. The best part was being escorted by the hand out of the church by one of my favorite older boys.

I was really excited to see Bryan (one of the originators of my Geisha nickname). When I told him I would be staying for a year, he asked, "En mi hogar?" All the kids are divided up into hogars by age and gender, and each volunteer is assigned one. It's kind of like your home base - these are the kids you eat dinner with, help with their homework, play with on weekends. So I was disappointed to find out that there are only 3 hogars open in Buen Pastor (the boys' house), and those will go to the 3 new guy volunteers. I really didn't want to be in Talita Kumi (the girls' house), but they really don't have anybody right now. There are a few girls who still hold grudges against me after being disciplined in school by me when I was a visitor. After a good long talk with Lauren, I felt a lot better. I've learned that that is a completely normal experience. She also assured me that I would be with older kids since I'll be working with the Montessori munchkins all day. It sounds like these girls need some solid women in their lives, so this could be a really good thing. I'm not the same person I was when I taught dance team and it was such a disaster. This is going to be okay.

Last night, I sat around visiting in the volunteer house with outgoing, current, and new volunteers. Honestly, I was a little apprehensive about what my reception here would be like, but everyone is pretty much amazing. The Pacific Northwest is well represented here. Turns out there's another Whitworth grad in the bunch, and we had a great visit (he was there WAY after me). I'm also not the oldest one!! There is another 29 year-old (I turn 29 Tuesday, but I've started saying 29 already since I guess it's a forgone conclusion) and a 30 year-old too. I love the girls I'm staying with in the dorm; there are three of us with long dark hair, so it's going to be like my bathroom times three (for anyone who's had the pleasure of sharing my bathroom). The married couple here has a kitten. His name is Arca after the hogar he was found in, and I'm going to make him my boyfriend for the year. I'm pretty excited for our Fourth of July party today, too!

So, I realize I'm only on day two, but I'm trying really hard to enjoy the moment (making you proud, Mom!). Because things are really good today, and that's what matters.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Today is the big day. I can't believe how quickly the time has gone by. Honestly, I feel like all my excitement has been converted to sheer terror. This is really happening. My current negative self-talk goes something like this: "You are not brave or strong. What do you think you are doing?" And then I have a little panic attack. But I know that, as with most other things, I am making a bigger deal of this than it actually is. I vascillate between "It's a whole year" to "It's only a year!" However, all these going-away festivities have left me feeling so lucky for the support system I have here at home. And I know that that will sustain me when things get tough. My heart still has some healing to do, and I think NPH Honduras might be just the place to do it.

So in the spirit of the Sad Sack Sentimental Sally that I'm being, I have compiled a list of things I will miss for your reading pleasure. Here they are in no particular order:

My family and friends, my Zeiger community, weekly dinners with Grandma and Grandpa, my kitties Hank and Buttercup (the four-legged loves of my life), Intiman, Bookers, the finale of The Bachelorette and SYTYCD (sometimes my own shallowness astounds even me), Thai food, bonfires with my second family, Target (i.e. the convenience of being able to get whatever I want whenever I want it), hot showers, bug-bite free arms and legs, witnessing baby Kaylnn's firsts, the look on Jen's face just before I spill my guts, Krista's gourmet dinners, being able to say anything and everything with the girls because you can't cross lines where none exist, morning snuggles with Bobby's dog Eddie, and so many other things!!!

I will let you know when I arrive safely at the Ranch, but don't worry if it takes me a few days. I have a feeling the first little while will be a bit crazy. Much love to you all!